Excerpts from the English translation of the Rite of Marriage © 1969, International Committee on English in the Liturgy, Inc. All rights reserved.
The Rite of Marriage
What is a Rite?
A “rite” or ritual, is the correct way to perform a religious function. It refers to the correct way to worship God, to offer Him adoration – that is, the particular honor and reverence that is due to God alone. The various rites of the Church unite our belief and our lives, give outward expression to what we believe. The rites of the Church, from the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass to the ceremonies during a Catholic wedding are not empty gestures, but a solemn and dignified movement of the heart that blossoms into speech and action.
But the rites of the Church are not simply the expression of any individual. Since the Church is the union of God and man, and since God is the source of all life and grace, the rites of the Church have their origin, their driving force, and their goal in the Heart of God. The rites of the Church have their origin in the Jewish forms of prayer and worship, which were directly revealed to Moses by God on Mt. Sinai. When Jesus came to redeem us, He lived, taught, and worshipped God in this context, and when He gave us the Sacraments, the seven miracles of grace that unite us to Himself, He used this revelation as a background and foundation.
In later centuries the Church embellished and added to what was given, but always without changing the substance, the meaning, or the heart of what had been handed to us by Jesus. The rites of the Church, then, are not about spontaneous expressions of love and devotion, or about inventing words and phrases: they are something handed to us from above, to pull us up toward Heaven.
This is true of the Rite of Marriage. The heart of the wedding is the mutual exchange of consent, and the mutual gift of oneself to the other, before a representative of the Catholic Church, usually a priest. It is not simply about uniting you to each other, but also about uniting you to God, and to elevate you to a new position and dignity in the Church. The Sacraments come from God and, if we want to receive the graces and help they give, we must follow the path marked out by Him. We must receive what was handed down to us, not make up some ceremony. As St. Paul wrote in 2 Thessalonians 2:15, “So then, brethren, stand firm and hold to the traditions which you were taught, whether by word of mouth or by letter”.
No human being can create something that rivals the goodness that God gives. The ritual ensures that we follow the footsteps of Jesus and honor Him in the correct way, and enter into the marriage in the right spirit and with the union sealed and ensured by God Himself. Because you become a means of grace to each other, and distribute the Sacrament to each other, it is necessary to understand the ritual, to think about it, and to be aware of the purpose and meaning behind the words that you say.
Why do we usually celebrate Marriage during Mass?
The Mass and Sacrament of Marriage are intimately connected. Pope St. John Paul II reminded us of this fact in his Apostolic Exhortion On the Role of the Christian Family in the Modern World, Familiaris Consortio. In describing the relationship between the Sacrament of the Mass and the Sacrament of Marriage, he wrote, “To understand better and live more intensely the graces and responsibilities of Christian marriage and family life, it is altogether necessary to rediscover and strengthen this relationship.”
The Mass is the Source of Marriage
The Mass is the re-presentation and the reoffering of the One Sacrifice of Calvary. In the Mass, Jesus is made truly present, Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity. In the Mass each of us are able to unite ourselves in His worship of the Father. Since the Cross is the source of all grace and every Sacrament, and Jesus Christ’s crucifixion is made present, than the Mass has a unique relationship to Catholic Matrimony. Pope John Paul II said this: “The Eucharist is the very source of Christian marriage. The Eucharistic Sacrifice, in fact, represents Christ's covenant of love with the Church, sealed with His blood on the Cross.(145) In this sacrifice of the New and Eternal Covenant, Christian spouses encounter the source from which their own marriage covenant flows, is interiorly structured and continuously renewed.” (FC 57) The Eucharist, then, since It is Jesus, is the source of your Marriage. “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Mt. 19:6)
It is especially appropriate to begin your Marriage with the worthy reception of Holy Communion, and to go back often to the Him Who joins you to each other and through each other to Himself.
The Sacrament of Matrimony manifests the gifts of God to His Church, and the Mass reveals the depths of the bond of Sacrament Marriage
Marriage is the human expression and reflection of the love of God. Out of this love new life is created, and a union is formed that leads to the true maturation and holiness of individuals. Marriage is the school of love, and is meant to lead to Heaven.
Since Marriage is this human bond of love that has been elevated to become a fountain of grace through the death of Jesus, that is, a Sacrament, it reflects and teaches us about the love of God for His Church. Marriage teaches in a human manner, reflects in an earthly way, the same Mystery that is displayed in the Mass.
The Eucharist shows the bond of Christ and His Church, which can never be broken. The Eucharist is a promise that Jesus will be faithful to His Church and not seek other brides. The Mass than, teaches that God will remain with His Church in an exclusive unique love. This teaches us the fact that one man is meant for one woman. (cf. Benedict XVI, Sacramentum Caritatis 28)
In a similar way it shows us that God will never be parted from His Church. “If the Eucharist expresses the irrevocable nature of God's love in Christ for his Church, we can then understand why it implies, with regard to the sacrament of Matrimony, that indissolubility to which all true love necessarily aspires.” (Benedict XVI, SC 29)
But it is more than just symbolism or pretty images. It is truly God Who is present on the Altar during Mass. When God teaches, He doesn’t simply use pictures or stories, but He uses real people. He creates realities, makes us really share in the Mystery in order to manifest it. Marriage isn’t just a symbol or expression, but, by the plan of God takes part in this Truth of the love of God and His Church, receives a real share in the love God has for us. It is only because a Sacramental Marriage shares in this reality that it can display it and make it known.
“The Eucharist inexhaustibly strengthens the indissoluble unity and love of every Christian marriage. By the power of the sacrament, the marriage bond is intrinsically linked to the eucharistic unity of Christ the Bridegroom and his Bride, the Church (cf. Eph 5:31-32). The mutual consent that husband and wife exchange in Christ, which establishes them as a community of life and love, also has a eucharistic dimension. Indeed, in the theology of Saint Paul, conjugal love is a sacramental sign of Christ's love for his Church, a love culminating in the Cross, the expression of his "marriage" with humanity and at the same time the origin and heart of the Eucharist. For this reason the Church manifests her particular spiritual closeness to all those who have built their family on the sacrament of Matrimony.” (Benedict XVI, SC 27)
St. Paul teaches us the following: “For this reason a man shall leave [his] father and [his] mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:31-32, quoting Genesis 2:24).
In the Sacrament of Matrimony, then, the husband and wife do not simply swear oaths to each other, or even to each other in the presence of God, but they make solemn promises to each other and to God Himself. God has made marriage Sacred, and a sharing in His Love and Life. Breaking these promises is not just infidelity to human beings, but infidelity to God. The Mass and the Holy Eucharist become a continual source of renewal and reminder for a Catholic Marriage: am I living up to my promises to God and to spouse? Am I manifesting the Love that God has given me a share in, or have I strangled it, “put my light under a bushel basket”?
Pope John Paul II reminds us, “As a representation of Christ's sacrifice of love for the Church, the Eucharist is a fountain of charity. In the Eucharistic gift of charity the Christian family finds the foundation and soul of its "communion" and its "mission": by partaking in the Eucharistic bread, the different members of the Christian family become one body, which reveals and shares in the wider unity of the Church. Their sharing in the Body of Christ that is "given up" and in His Blood that is "shed" becomes a never-ending source of missionary and apostolic dynamism for the Christian family.” (FC 57)
The Mass explains the goal of Marriage, Marriage contains a taste of eternal life
The Mass and the Holy Eucharist show us the goal of Heaven and the final union of God and man for all eternity. Even now, the Mass is a share in the eternal Banquet of Heaven, and preparation for it. Pope Benedict wrote, “Jesus showed that he wished to transfer to the entire community which he had founded the task of being, within history, the sign and instrument of the eschatological gathering that had its origin in him. Consequently, every eucharistic celebration sacramentally accomplishes the eschatological gathering of the People of God. For us, the eucharistic banquet is a real foretaste of the final banquet foretold by the prophets (cf. Is 25:6-9) and described in the New Testament as "the marriage-feast of the Lamb" (Rev 19:7-9), to be celebrated in the joy of the communion of saints.” (SC 31) This is the goal of Marriage.
Jesus used marriage as an image of His Love and union for us: even certain ceremonies and expressions in the Last Supper echoed the Jewish marriage ritual. In a very real way, the Divine Purpose behind the creation of Marriage in the first place, was to express the union of God and mankind. Marriage is a means of grace, of holiness, a source of human love, and a union with Divine Love because of Sanctifying Grace. Since it is a Sacrament, it not only assists us on our journey toward Heaven, but is a foretaste of Heaven itself.
These are a few of the reasons why it is fitting that the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony is celebrated within the context of the Mass, so that the Bride and Groom can together receive their Divine Savior and through Him, be united deeply to each other, receiving Holy Communion for the first time as a wedded couple.
What is the meaning of the Marriage Rite?
During the marriage rite the Bride and the Groom give and receive their mutual consent before God and His witness. The Rite begins with an exhortation by the priest about the duties and the promises they will make. This is followed by a series of questions asking if they understand what they are promising, if they will what they are saying, and if they will uphold the essential qualities of marriage, that is: the exclusive union to their spouse, their faithfulness, and their openness to any children God might send them.
All stand, including the bride and bridegroom, and the priest addresses them in these or similar words:
The fact that we rise and stand shows that we recognize the presence of God. Even though the priest speaks to the couple, it is God Who is asking about their readiness and their promises. Certain authors remind us that standing is the posture of a servant before his master – it is a sign of ready obedience, of willingness to do everything that God is asking of us, and willing to do it quickly and with joy.
My dear friends, you have come together in this church so that the Lord may seal and strengthen your love in the presence of the Church’s minister and this community. Christ abundantly blesses this love. He has already consecrated you in baptism and now he enriches and strengthens you by a special sacrament so that you may assume the duties of marriage in mutual and lasting fidelity. And so, in the presence of the Church, I ask you to state your intentions.
In this exhortation, the priest reminds the bride and the groom about what is about to take place. He points of the doorway of the Sacraments is Baptism, and that the marriage consent is exchanged in the presence of God, of His minister, and before the entire Church. The bride and the groom are taking a new role in the life of the Church and receive a new place in the Mystical Body as a couple who manifest the fruitful, faithful, exclusive, and free Love of God for His Church. The couple is asked to state publically what they intend, what they will, before the actual promises are made.
The priest then questions them about their freedom of choice, faithfulness to each other, and the acceptance and upbringing of children.
The bride and the groom are the ones giving the promises and confecting the Sacrament. But they do not invent the Sacrament or its meaning. Just as no priest can invent new Mass or a new way to be forgiven of sins, so too, the bride and groom do not invent their marriage but enter into and receive a great gift from their Heavenly Father. The questions remind them of the vows they will make, and prepares them to mean what they say.
(Name) and (Name), have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?
Love cannot be forced or coerced. In the love of the married couple, they give the entirety of themselves. Love is always a gift, and cannot be stolen without ceasing to be love. It means that there is no undue fear (simple nervousness or worry about the future is not meant here, but a true attempt to manipulate the will of the other). The question asks the bride and the groom to publically state that it is their wish to be married, and that they wish to enter into a real marriage, not simply a one-night stand or some kind of living together.
They come for the sake of marriage, to give to the other the rights over their body, to live together, and seek the good for the other, to provide support for the other.
The fact that there is no reservation in the gift of self means that the love is exclusive. It is a gift uniquely given, in recognition of the unique and particular goodness of the other that no one else has. It means that the spouses will not seek love from another in the way they seek it from their spouse as long as their spouse is living, that they will not give it to another in that way as long as their spouse lives.
Marriage is not just giving a gift, but accepting the other, and accepting them as they are, with all their flaws and weaknesses. It is the acceptance, in love, of a real, unique individual, not a phantasm or a wish of how the other is “supposed” to be, or how you would like them to be. That is why there is mention of the other, the particular bride and groom, the real person that stands with you.
Will you love and honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?
This question refers to the undertaking of the duties of matrimony, to truly living together as a couple, constantly seeking to perfect that union and love that begins in the wedding. It means a willingness to undertake the necessary work to keep the union alive, to protect it from attacks from outside of the couple, and from within their own hearts.
It is not any kind of grudging acceptance, or mere tolerance of the other as though their presence was a burden that I must put up with. It is a promise to love and honor the other, to seek their good, and to respect them, recognizing their unique goodness, their talents and gifts, and seeking to help them preserve and grow in them. In means that we treat the other as a person, given them the affection they need, being honest with them about their failings, honest about our own struggles and needs, and helping them on their way to Heaven. True charity wants what’s best for the other, seeking their good and their holiness even before fulfilling my own wishes and wants.
The question asks about love as husband and wife, that is, not just love of the will or kind words, but a union of the body. To love as man and wife means that the marriage is consummated, sealed by the gift of love that is expressed and manifested the body. This love must be given in a human way, that is, not out of lust or selfishness, not using contraceptives or methods that deliberately frustrate the meaning and gift of the marriage act. It means that in the sexual union the other person is not simply a tool for personal pleasure but a person to whom I give myself in the entirety of my masculinity or femininity, and who I receive in the entirety of their masculinity or femininity.
And this is something that will last as long as both are alive. Love is not meant for ten minutes, or ten years, or until some problem arises. The promise that is being made is that whatever happens in the future the gift cannot be revoked or taken back, but that the love of the spouse for the other – even if it is not returned, or if human affection and emotion dies away – will never be taken back. The question asks if the choice will remain firm and complete, that the couple realize that divorce and remarriage is not an option or even a possibility.
This is the way that the marriage build up the bride and the groom as a couple and as individuals. Marriage is a great gift and a great honor.
The exclusiveness of the marriage as well as its permanence is not a burden to be borne or a necessary evil. Rather it is a great gift and a great good given to the Sacrament of Marriage. It is a guarantee for the depths of love that each person looks for, it is a guide on how to live it out, and a rule by which to examine how well we are doing.
The following question may be omitted if, for example, the couple is advanced in years.
Will you accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?
It is in and through the love of husband and wife that God wishes to create new life. Children become the unique expression of a unique love, and a gift to each other, a gift from God, a gift to the world, and gift to the Church. God wishes that new persons be created only in a true marriage. It is love that makes the universe be a good place, without it, even wealth and fame is misery. More people in our lives means more love: a family is more happy, and more human than two people who are simply coupling by mutual selfish agreement.
Since children are a gift they must not be feared or seen as a burden. Each new person in the world has the potential to do great things. Each new person is someone to be loved, and someone who loves. The Catholic marriage builds up the Church by providing new members for her, and by increasing the holiness of the spouses as they learn to love and accept new people for the sake of God and in His Name to welcome the smallest and weakest of people. As Jesus tells us, “whoever gives only a cup of cold water to one of these little ones to drink because he is a disciple—amen, I say to you, he will surely not lose his reward.” (Mt. 10:42) And, “Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.” (Mt. 25:40)
This means that contraception or mutual masturbation or other technique that seek pleasure by avoid new life are not to be practiced. They are harmful to the marriage, hurting the unity of husband and wife. A marriage not open to life, not open to having children and becoming a physical father and mother, it is not an entire gift. A marriage that is afraid of new life, that wants to control how much new life comes into being through their love is being stingy with their love. It destroys the union because it keeps back part of themselves, their fertility and ability to create new life.
Note however, that this is very different than the recourse to times of abstinence from sexual intimacy to avoid having children for serious reasons, that is, NFP. Then there is still respect for each other and for God, and a growth in the virtue of self-control for the sake of the other, and an increase in communication between the spouses.
The question also asks if they understand that the children who they welcome into their family must be raised and assisted to becoming holy, becoming good Catholics, and becoming saints. It is not the mere giving of life, or birthing them, but the task of the parents to raise, and train and guide them to becoming people of good and upright character, who can live good lives and reach heaven in the end.
Each answers the questions separately.
Both the bride and the groom must each make the promise, must each give and each be ready to receive the gift of the other. This promise and exchange can only be made by them. God does not force their will, but asks for their cooperation and help in His Divine plan.
At this point, the man and the woman have each publically stated what they intend, and what they understand about matrimony. They are prepared to accept it joys, struggles, and sorrows, and to hold fast to God, to their vows, and to each other. After this, the actual Sacrament takes place.
Consent
The priest invites the couple to declare their consent.
Priest:
Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, join your right hands, and declare your consent before God and his Church.
They join hands.
The joining of hands was an ancient symbol of making a solemn promise. The ritual has its roots in the early days of the Church, and was possibly something that was brought in from the customs of Rome, but baptized by the Catholic Church, giving it new meaning and relevance. It is also a sign of union into which the bride and the groom are about to enter. It is fitting that they make their promises, and thus confer the Sacrament to each other while they hold hands.
The promises here are the fulfillment of what was expressed in the questions of the priest earlier. Then, the couple was asked what they were intending – here they make the promises they had said they were going to.
Option A
The bridegroom says:
I, (Name), take you, (Name), to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.
The bride says:
I, (Name), take you, (Name), to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.
Option B
In the dioceses of the United States, the following form may be used:
The bridegroom says:
Groom:
I, (Name), take you, (Name), for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
Bride:
I, (Name), take you, (Name), for my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
If, however, it seems preferable for pastoral reasons, the priest may obtain consent from the couple through questions.
Option A
First he asks the bridegroom:
(Name), do you take (Name) to be your wife? Do you promise to be true to her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her and honor her all the days of your life?
The bridegroom: I do.
Then he asks the bride:
(Name), do you take (Name) to be your husband? Do you promise to be true to him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love him and honor him all the days of your life?
The bride: I do
Option B
In the dioceses of the United States, the following form may be used:
First he asks the bridegroom:
(Name), do you take (Name) for your lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?
The bridegroom: I do.
Then he asks the bride:
(Name), do you take (Name) for your lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?
The bride: I do.
At this point, the Marriage has occurred. The consent has been given and received, and the man and woman have become wed. The Sacrament has been given to the bride and the groom by each other in their mutual gift and acceptance of the will and promises of the other.
The Sacrament is the source of union with God, that is Sanctifying Grace, and it gives the couple special assistance in living out their married life. It gives them rights to special help and graces from God in times of trouble and difficulty, and well as times of joy.
Receiving their consent, the priest says:
You have declared your consent before the Church. May the Lord in his goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with his blessings.
What God has joined, men must not divide.
Response: Amen.
The priest acknowledges that he has witnessed to the Sacrament in the Name of Christ and in the name of the Catholic Church. He asks blessing for them, and reminds them once again that their marriage has its source in God, and that by fidelity to each other they are being faithful to God and honoring Him.
Blessing and exchange of Rings
The rings are not a necessary part of the marriage ritual, but they have become very common, and have roots going back to pre-Christian times. Blessed by the Church they are a symbol of the marriage that has already occurred, they are a reminder to the bride and the groom of the vows they have made to God and each other, and they are a public declaration that the man and the woman are married.
Meaning and symbolism of Ring
As the rite makes clear, the ring is a symbol of their faithfulness to each other. In its shape it has no end, as their promise is not for merely a period of their lives, but until death separates them.
The pagan Roman historian Pliny (AD 79), wrote that the ring is put on the fourth finger of the hand because the vein in that finger runs straight to the heart.
The rite
The ring is first blessed, since it is a symbol of the sacredness of the spouses for each other. It is also a reminder and sign, and so becomes a renewal of the promises as it is worn.
Option 1
Priest:
May the Lord bless these rings
which you give to each other
as the sign of your love and fidelity.
which you give to each other
as the sign of your love and fidelity.
Response:
Amen.
Option 2
Priest:
Lord, bless these rings which we bless in your name.
Grant that those who wear them
may always have a deep faith in each other.
May they do your will
and always live together
in peace, good will, and love.
We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Grant that those who wear them
may always have a deep faith in each other.
May they do your will
and always live together
in peace, good will, and love.
We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Response:
Amen.
Option 3
Priest:
Lord, bless and consecrate (Name) and (Name)
in their love for each other.
May these rings be a symbol
of true faith in each other,
and always remind them of their love.
Through Christ our Lord.
in their love for each other.
May these rings be a symbol
of true faith in each other,
and always remind them of their love.
Through Christ our Lord.
Response:
Amen.
Having been blessed by God, and become a symbol of the mutual consecration of bride and groom to each, the rings are given to each other as their love and vows were exchanged.
The bridegroom places his wife's ring on her ring finger.
He may say:
(Name), take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
The bride places her husband's ring on his ring finger.
She may say:
(Name), take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Nuptial Blessing
Immediately following the Our Father, a special blessing is given that asks God to assist the couple throughout their married lives. The Church begs God for the blessings of the Sacrament, interceding as a family on behalf of the bride and groom. One writer, Fr. Hardon, defines it as “[t]he formal blessing of the newlywed couple, given at Mass after the Lord's Prayer. The priest gives the blessing with extended hands and prays for husband and wife that they may love one another, be faithful to each other, witness to others by their Christian virtue, and be blessed with children to whom they will be good parents.” (Modern Catholic Dictionary at http://www.therealpresence.org/cgi-bin/getdefinition.pl)
Other texts in the Mass that refer to the Marriage
The prayers of the Mass of Holy Matrimony are constant reminders of the Mystery celebrated and the Sacrament that has taken place. The opening prayer, the prayer over the gifts, parts of the prayer before the Consecration called the preface, and the closing prayer each recall the purpose and meaning of the Marriage. When the Mass is being celebrated, you should pay attention and pray these prayers with the priest for yourselves and for each other.
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